Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
