how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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