I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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