i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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