She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
