btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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