I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
