Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
