Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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