you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
