My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize