apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
