Your face is a jimmy john
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
