does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
