hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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