You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
