we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
