He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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