Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
