im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize