is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
