I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
