The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
