You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
