just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have post one night stand depression
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
