May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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