the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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