I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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