I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
