Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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