what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
