i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
