Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's get the cat blown out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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