you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
