You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
