just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
