Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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