I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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