You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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