does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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