She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
