You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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