if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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