I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i love accidental penises.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
