Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex on a dog bed..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
