no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
