i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
