For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
