Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
