It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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