Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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