I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
