i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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