If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
