dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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