if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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