you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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