Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
