I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
