Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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