thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
