im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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