you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I could fuck to npr.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
