First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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