just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
