Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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