I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
