I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
